We Are Now Published In German by Beltz

A different book jacket and title that translates roughly into “The Car Is Parked At The Bridge. I Am Sorry. A Father’s Search For Answers To His Daughter’s Suicide.”

With over 80 million people, Germany is the largest country in Europe.

9783407864161

You Don’t Look Adopted – A Must Read

4177gIUacTL._SY346_You Don’t Look Adopted is a memoir by Anne Heffron about her experience as an adopted person. I think I’ve read or tried to read every book on adoption and the adoption experience from the point of view of the adoptee. Some of the  adoption magazines sugarcoat adoption with pictures of happy families and stories of joy, and  many adoptive families this is true. But for a great many adoption can mean a lifetime of pain, regardless of how much love, affection and privilege is offered.

You Don’t Look Adopted is a uniquely raw account of what it means to be adopted –  the insecurities, attachment issues, identity crises and self-loathing from the trauma of separation from one’s birth parents.

This book is a vital read for any adopted person, adoptive parent or prospective adoptive parent seeking to better understand the mysteries and difficulties of what is a profoundly complex life experience.

On a side note, whereas it took me 3 years to write and bring my book to market, Anne wrote and published this work in a matter of months, a land speed record!

It is currently available only as an eBook on Kindle but look for a paperback copy soon.

The Girl Behind The Door: A Memoir By John Brooks

TGBTD-eBookCov_03-600“This book should be a wakeup call to all adoptive parents and professionals about the urgent issues adoptees and their parents face.”

Nancy Newton Verrier, attachment therapist and author

The Primal Wound and Coming Home to Self

A Marin County, California father embarks on a journey to understand what led his seventeen-year-old daughter, Casey, to take her life. He travels back to her abandonment at birth and adoption from a Polish orphanage. His search leads to a condition known as attachment disorder, an affliction common among children who have been abandoned, neglected or abused. It explained everything. The Girl Behind The Door integrates a tragic personal adoption story with information from the experts to teach other families what the Brookses learned too late.

Who should read it?

    Anyone with a connection to the adoption “triad.”
    Anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide.
    Anyone who cried through the movie Philomena.
    Anyone who knows us and wants to read our story.

Available now on Amazon in print and Kindle version. Soon to be released on the Apple iBookstore, Barnes & Noble online, Sony Reader Store, Kobo and more.

“Letters From The Unloved”

bigstock-close-up-of-a-thermometer-with-20825984Greetings from sizzling Northern California! We must be on the northern edge of the heat wave that has gripped the Southwest over the past week. We don’t have air conditioning but rarely have spells like this, and to make matters worse we’re in a temporary rental during a home construction project. So I’ve watched as the outdoor thermometer read 100+ and indoors 85. I never thought of 85 indoors as tolerable!

I wanted to share this post from another blogger, Jane Stevens, of ACEstoohigh.com. ACE stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences. She writes about the effects of early trauma in children. It isn’t specifically dedicated to adoptees – trauma could come from abuse or neglect by biological parents – but the adoptee experience fits squarely into the childhood trauma spectrum.

“Letters from the Unloved” reveals the lives of troubled teens, young adults

lettersThey’re short; they’re long. Some are poems. They’re all sad. Teens living through serious adversity because of interactions with their own troubled parents, and young adults struggling with memories as they live out the consequences of a troubled childhood. It’s a window into the lives of families that need or needed help. These are stories that are all too familiar to teachers, counselors, and social workers.The letters are among hundreds sent over 10 years from teens and young adults around the world to two sites: EQI.org (“a place where you can find useful, practical and important information about emotions and life”) and WhatDepresses.Me. Steve Hein, who runs EQI.org, says that he and the woman who manages WhatDepresses.Me (and who prefers to not be named in this post — here’s her story)  obtained permissions when they could. If the email addresses weren’t valid when they tried to contact the authors and the letters were from people under 18 years old, they changed details to protect the identities of the authors.Here are excerpts from a few of the letters:Things my mother has said to me…

– I wish I’d never given birth to you

– You’re not my daughter, no daughter of mine acts like this

– I’m everything, you’r (sic) nothing

– Anyone that cuts themselves should be locked up in a mental institution

– Piss off and never come back

Is cutting really a bad thing?

It doesn’t seem like it to me. You’re not killing yourself, only marking up your body. I’m careful that I don’t bleed to death even. But it feels good. Like it’s some release that helps me through the day. 

I was sexually abused by an uncle

I’m no teenager anymore, I’m 21, but I cut myself (do

lots of self-harm) since I’m 12 or 13. My scars, I can’t tell you how many I have so far… But my wrists, my chest and the top of my legs are all very very taken by them. 

I was sexually abused by an uncle when I was 10 or 11… maybe this was the very beginning of all this… My parents didn’t believed (sic) me and… forced me to live together with my uncle (who sexually abused me) since then. I felt guilty of what happened, I thought it was my fault. That he would never had done that if I were “normal”. 

I wanted my mom to die so I can be free

…I’m 16 years old….when I was five years old, my mom punched me in the stomach. I don’t remember all the reasons why but I began to dislike my mom a lot after that…She had beat me during my 7th grade year…once again the school called Child services on her. But Child services never did anything…and the abuse continued so I stopped talking.

My mom is a single mother with four kids. She’s a nurse and highly stressed all the time. And I understand that but she deals with it the wrong ways. By calling us bitches, ungrateful motherfuckers, stupid, assholes, we’re all mistakes, we don’t deserve shit etc etc. 

Now I’m 16 soon to be a mother because I felt that it would be the only sure way I could leave this place. I also believed it would help me focus better. I would no longer have to be responsible for my siblings or anything having to do with my mom. Four weeks ago, I left home because mom put me out. 

…My mom believes I got pregnant to hurt her. To her, hurting her is my main goal in life. Honestly now, I don’t give a shit about her….I don’t wanna become like her. She’s not happy and doesn’t want anyone else to be.

You can download a PDF of the 79-page book at eqi.org or from WhatDepresses.Me for a donation, or order a print copy from lulu.com. Hein says if someone cannot afford a donation, then he’ll email that person a PDF.