Re-Post of “Adoptee Voices – Why Do We Search”

Pamela Karanova posted this very good piece on her blog, Adoptee In Recovery, where she features adoptees’ experience searching for their birth families. My teenage daughter Casey never showed any interest in her family from Poland, something I heard from other adopted teens. But as they got older, I learned that they were desperate to know, almost without exception.

2 thoughts on “Re-Post of “Adoptee Voices – Why Do We Search”

  1. I think it was desperate to search but it was an unspoken rule, this is your family now. The only thing safe to mention was that I was an Italian adoptee and wasn’t that neat? I’m 50 now and so many feelings are being dredged up as my oldest son left for college two weeks ago. I feel like someone stabbed me in the gut. The pain is intense, i feel like I am dying. The same fear and pain and longing I imagine I had when my birth mother left me in an orphanage. They say I was plagued with stomach problems. I’m still plagued with them, only it’s much worse now. I haven’t read you book yet because I’m just too fragile at the moment. How I got through my teen years is a mystery to me. I thought of suicide many times and had no one to talk to about my feelings. Even seeing a psychiatrist, who did intense therapy missed the adoption issues screaming to be heard. I didn’t have a voice to know what the emptiness was. I only knew I had lost my father to a tragic and short devastating illness. It was when my best friend returned from living abroad for four years that I collapsed. I simply could not cope with her return. Does that make any sense at all? I had shut down my heart to that pain the fear of losing her again and going through that again was more than I thought I could stand. This is all hindsight of course, and all we talked about was school and i can’t even remember what else in therapy. I quit because I was just more depressed…….Adoptive parents have not a clue is usually what I think. I am usually a very kid person and really, for the sake of raising my sons stopped talking about or reading about adoption until my son left for college and the flood gates opened.

    • I’m sorry I think I replied to this and then it got erased. I hear these stories too often and all I want to do in my small way is to shed light on the trauma of adoption and keep Casey’s memory alive. Thanks so very much for writing!

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