Good Adoption Articles In The Atlantic

Atlantic-Logo-NEW-white-11Adoption has been shrouded in myth and misunderstanding for decades. Adoptive parents with the best of intentions and resources bring an orphaned child into their home, shower her with love and live happily ever after, just like a Disney movie. Many adopted children blossom in their new homes, but many more don’t. These recent articles in The Atlantic below highlight the struggles adoptees face despite their journey from deprivation to a life of relative privilege. We learned through tragedy that adopted children have suffered a trauma in infancy – separation from their birth mother – that can haunt them forever, regardless of the love and comforts provided by their adoptive families.

The Adoption Paradox

Why Adopted Children Still Struggle Over Time

 

 

4 thoughts on “Good Adoption Articles In The Atlantic

  1. With kind regards and sending sympathy for your loss.

    I wish we could have crossed paths sooner. I have a huge passion for my fellow adoptees, and encourage them to share their grief, loss and trauma associated with being adopted in many online platforms. Interestingly, I contacted the top local adoption agency in my city the other day. My one simple question for them was, “Hi, I’m an adult adoptee and I was wondering if you could recommend any adoptee (not adoption) resources in the area? Support groups or anything of that nature?” Her response, “We don’t have any but here is a link for someone in Lexington that was trying to build a support group in 2012. Best wishes”. Little did she know that post and that person was me.

    What I am sharing is there are no resources for us, the adoptees. I have dedicated much of my life to provide adoptee “safe” areas so we can share our deep rooted emotional issues regarding our adoption experiences. I have worked for years on my issues, and still carry this passion with me today. I feel someplace down the line God is going to do something where adoptive parents who have experienced what you have will collaborate with adult adoptees and come together to help the younger adoptees who have struggles such as your beautiful Casey. I can share from experience and walking in the shoes of an adoptee, I have struggled with suicidal thoughts and even attempts as a teenager. Sadly, I saw countless amounts of therapists and none of them ever mentioned me being “adopted” or that even being a factor in my anger, rage, and abandonment and rejection issues.

    Today I share my journey with the world. My 2 main goals are to reach out to my fellow adoptees so they know they aren’t alone and the way the feel is normal for a not normal situation. And the other is to promote change and truth in all adoptions and healing for adoptees as a result of those 2 things coming together. But the resources for adoptees are slim to none and it AMAZES me that all of the facts of what adoptees can face are not presented at the beginning of the adoption process. Almost like the trauma and attachment issues are ignored. I can assure you I was adopted right here in America and have suffered greatly right here in my own homeland. I am still experiencing sadness, loss and grief but the great part is I’m a Christian and God heals. He didn’t bring me this far to not share my story.

    This post was featured in the huffington post “Preventing Adoptee Related Suicide” so I wanted to share. I wish I could have shared sooner, but I believe God is going to use your story as he already is and my story and so many other adoptee/adoptive parent stories to bring awareness of the TRUTH and that is the other side of adoption that so many don’t understand in the beginning, Grief, Loss & Trauma surrounds every adoption. Until these things are recognized sadly the adoptee suicide rate will be 4x more likely than none adoptees.

    I would be interested in communicating in the future and I would love to get your book. Again, I am sorry for you all but just know that no one can truly understand how we feel unless they are one of us. You were not prepared and you did the best you could with the tools that were provided for you. The key is, we need more tools provided for adoptive parents who are thinking of adopting which can share the other side of adoption no one wants to talk about.

    Hugs to you and your wife. Here is the blog post I am speaking of and the Huffington Post article it was posted in. Feel free to contact me anytime. Blessings!

    http://adopteeinrecovery.net/2015/09/12/love-is-not-all-we-need/

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mirah-riben/toward-preventing-adoptio_b_8127882.html

    Prayers to you and my your book sell thousands to bring awareness to such a cause I hold deep to my heart. ❤

    • Pamela – Thanks so very much for your awesome post. You really nailed it. I wrote an op ed a few weeks ago for the San Francisco Chronicle touching on just the points you made but need to post to my blog. I think I’ve seen the HuffPo piece but will check your links. Have you ever heard of the American Adoption Congress? It’s a national organization for adopted people and birth parents. I attended their annual conference a few years ago and was truly moved. I told them every adoptive parent or prospective adoptive parent she attend.

      • Hi there, I would love to read the piece you are speaking of. I will be checking your blog to see if you have uploaded it.

        Yes, I have heard of the AAC and I am a member. I haven’t yet been able to attend an event but I really hope to in the near future. I think next year I will be better equipped due to this year being the Adoptee Rights Rally. I’ve been recruited to be on the media team and it’s been an amazing journey so far but very time consuming. If you can think of any way you could support us we would be greatly appreciated. Although this is a side note from our topic. 🙂

        I have a few questions for you but it might be better to ask via email. If you would be interested please email pamelakaranova@gmail.com

        Blessings and have a wonderful Monday!

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