A Stirring Article on “Rehoming” Adopted Children

1419938975419.cachedI wanted to share this very stirring article about “rehoming” adopted children that was written by Tina Traster, a writer/blogger, adoptive mother and author for The Daily Beast. She writes about adopted children who have been on rare occasion “rehomed,” either returned to their home country or re-settled with another family. As an adoptive parent my first instinct is to vilify any parents that would do this. But I think the issue is far more complicated.

Without naming names I know someone who had the best of intentions when adopting two children from a foreign country of roughly grade school age. After some time it became apparent to this parent that she was the wrong person to raise these kids. She found them another family who turned out to be far better suited to the task, so I’m hopeful that all worked well for the children. Meanwhile I suspect that my “friend” feels as though she’d had an abortion. It has been very difficult to live down.

But then there’s also the issue of parents of biological children who’ve “sent them away,” usually to disciplinary programs in places like Colorado, Utah and Maine for issues ranging from eating disorders, anger management, cutting and substance abuse. Should the biological parents also have been vilified or looked at as people at the end of their rope? Their were a number of times my wife Erika and I thought of “sending Casey away” and I’m glad we didn’t. But it didn’t make us saints. We made plenty of other mistakes, with tragic results.

4 thoughts on “A Stirring Article on “Rehoming” Adopted Children

  1. Your friend? The one that adopted 2 kids, promised to be their mommy forever & then changed her mind? Deserves to feel awful. The trauma she knowingly inflicted on 2 kids who’ve already been abandoned at least once? Unspeakable.

    The business of “rehoming” should be illegal — handing a kid over to an unscreened stranger!!

    • The other person’s story was not that simple and yes of course she feels awful. The “strangers” were hardly “unscreened.” And now the children are doing much better (I hope.) My initial reaction would’ve been much like yours but having seen a real life situation up close I’m a bit more hesitant to pass judgement, which is not to say that some rehoming is indeed deplorable.

  2. Thanks for sharing such a thoughtful post. It’s hard to know what people are dealing with from outside looking in, but the more of a public dialogue there is on this topic, the more informed prospective parents can be to know what a huge responsibility they are taking on. Huge rewards are possible, but like anything it’s important to be educated up front.

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